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I turn my heart upside down trying to find the right emotion, desperate to feel what I thought I was supposed to feel, and all the time I’m hoping it doesn’t show on my face. I’m in the moment but outside it, I can’t believe it’s happening like this, I don’t know what we’ve done anymore, or why.
The photos of the moment show me beaming, couldn’t-be-happier, and if you squint a little, you can even believe it’s love at first sight. They look every bit like the “gotcha day” photos and videos I watched over and over before it was our turn. They represent everything I believed to be true and wasn’t. Not for me.
And though at the time I felt like a fraud and a failure, now I see I was doing it exactly right.
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Friends, I’m crazy honored and excited to be guest posting over at Shawn Smucker’s blog today. He’s an inspiring storyteller and incredible writer, and he’s hosting a new series on adoption. Today, it’s my turn to share a small piece of our adoption story.
Join me there to read the rest of my story, and learn how I see “faking it” differently now.
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